In a Healthy way , according to Psychologists.

An estimated 13% of adolescents aged 10-19 is suggested to live with a diagnosed mental disorder. Unicef

I recently went through something I’d like to call, ‘a character check’  situation. Nothing new really, the event just took a rather unexpected curve. I got a call from a prospective client who had an interest in working with me on a certain project. Elated to have been contacted, the meetings were progressively very promising until they were not. I woke up to an email alert, informing me that I was not successful in the bid.

In an instant my mood went from hero to zero. I felt like the world was closing in on me. My immediate response was of course to read the email more than twice, then re-imagine how there must have been a typo. Meanwhile the feeling of rejection was quietly finding its space in my heart to perform its destructive works to the T. Yes! Of course I had to get on with my morning like all was well. Wake the kids up, help them prepare for school and send them off to school all these with a happy smile. I really don’t need to tell you what I really really wanted to do…

Children learn how to deal with stresses of life by observing their parents

I know you can relate to this. At this stage in our lives we all know too well what Rejection is, how horrible it feels, and how destructive it can be. Name them from familial rejection to social rejection to romantic rejection. But the real question here is how do you get out of this rut? How do you shake off that feeling of shame or sadness in a healthy way to ensure your mental health is steady and you can function well on your day to day activities.

According to UNICEF, it is suggested that children’s and adolescents’ mental health is profoundly affected by their surroundings and circumstances – their experiences with parents and caregivers, their friendships and how they play, learn and grow.

That means we have to work extra hard at taking care of our own mental health, in order to ensure our children’s mental health is secure.

Image of life quote on Rejection

How Do I deal With Rejection?
1. Spend time with those you  love

Back in my College days, I had a friend who went through a really ‘humiliating’ break up. She used the word humiliating to express just how publicly shamed she felt by her then boyfriend. Of course she is happily married now with two sweet children. Back to the story… This friend, gave me my first peer lesson into how to deal with rejection.  She kept away from the negative space.

How? By immersing herself in her studies (focus) and maintaining relationships that would keep reminding her of what was important. That meant distancing herself from some of ‘her friends’, that would hinder her healing by ‘checking in on her’ and reminding her of how awful she felt. Needless to say she got into the deans list that particular semester. You can now imagine how the tables had turned in the social scene, from being the talk of the town to being the talk of the town( campus)!

I got my front row seat preview of how to position yourself when faced with devastating challenges. First surround yourself with people who will push you forward. Second determine to use your energy for an ultimate good, basically make it count.

Rejection doesn’t mean you are not good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.”
Mark Amend
2. Practice self care 

In my case, as difficult as it was I had to practice what I preach to my children because like you know, kids learn best through observation. Keen observation. Sigh!

Image of Ziplining participants

This is me trying my best to look more of excited than frightened.

In this recent case, I took on challenging myself to check out  some of my bucket list activities.( You know, realistic exciting things to shake it all off, just to feel light). The most realistic one was Zip lining. It didn’t need much planning and it would all be in a day’s work. The activity needed me to face my fear of the ‘unknown’. A good remedy for the fear that was filling my mind of pushing on in business ventures even with rejection possibilities. Am glad to report zip lining is officially struck out of my bucket list successfully and with that came in the feel-good hormones and ‘I can take on the world’ attitude.

Image of author ziplining as a way to deal with rejection

Mama bear’s way of finding perspective in the midst of chaos

What Did The Activity Do For me?

You may ask, so what? Your situation hasn’t changed one bit, you still didn’t get the contract. You are right! I don’t have the contract, but my situation is not the same. Am not stuck in disappointment, am hopeful. After the escapade, I felt more in tune to relate well with my husband and kids. I was able to feel confident enough to get back on the saddle with business with a clear set of objectives. I took the hard blow as a learning and a stepping stone to my next success story. It’s not about the contract, It’s about character!

That is what rejection does, it steals from you your joy, hope, vision, vigour and valour and it gives you a fantastic invite to wallow in self pity. As much as the invite is enticing, we ought to beware as moms, wives, friends, sisters, colleagues, and daughters of God.

READ MORE: THE THERAPEUTIC POWER OF READING

Prayer has powerful effects

When we take time to pray over our situations, God offers fantastic ways of giving us creativity, to gain perspective of what’s really important.

Prayer helps us to accept our reality. This in turn causes us to take it easy faster and focus on things that will bring us joy or a sense of self worth. When we learn how to cope positively with stresses of life, we teach our children how to cope with the uncertainties of life.

The list is endless when it comes to creative and healthy ways of dealing with life’s curve balls.  And it is true what they say, ‘prayer changes things’!

Say a little prayer for all the sisters around the world. We are all winging it and we need all the Grace available.

What are some of the ways you deal with Rejection? Share with us, we’d like to learn different ways of living our best life not just merely surviving!